So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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