she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
