The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
