And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I came so hard my ears popped.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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