I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
