I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
