Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
