Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
