i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
