My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
