The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
