I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
