dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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