woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
