I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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