Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
