if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
