Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
