They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
