yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
