eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize