ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
