He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
