I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
