nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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