there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
