WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
