You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
