Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
