Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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