Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize