Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
