just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
