Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
