Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
