Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
