hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize