shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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