sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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