There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize