yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
