If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
