I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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