I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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