i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
