Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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