I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
