so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you had me at cake vodka
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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