Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
