its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize