I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
