I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
