He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize