They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
