You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
