i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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