4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
