Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
