we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
