I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
