i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
