i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
