all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
