I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
