Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
